Many people have come across the ideas of Dale Carnegie in his book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People‘. The techniques in that book are valid and work well. One thing that we would like to add which is not mentioned in that book is focusing on figuring out what other people hold value in, and presenting those points right back to them. We all have cons and pros to everything we do. The reason we commit to acting the way we do and doing the things that we do is because in our mind, the pros outweigh the cons in that capacity. You are currently learning how to influence people to behave in ways that are favorable to you because you see more pros than cons to doing that. If you saw the behavior that you partake in as having more negative effects than positive ones, you would not be partaking in that behavior.
Stay Tuned to the List of Pros
Everything people do, think, and develop interests in, are backed by positive feelings and thoughts toward that specific thing, action, or thought. One simple example is selecting a product on Amazon to buy. A friend of yours may have selected an item out of a large selection because the positives of that specific brand and model outweighed the rest. If you wanted to increase the positive feelings that friend has towards you, you would mention those same positives about the item that your friend bought.
We love when people agree with us, especially on things that we hold dearest. Notice the positives that drive the actions of those around you and mention them back to the people who think them. This will serve to make you seem relate-able and understanding. This will act to group you in the same mindset as them, and thereby make them trust you in other facets of life.
Realizing what people like and hold importance in for themselves and their decisions is difficult. We will never know why people truly do what they do, but we can reverse engineer just enough to get close and assume on the positive aspects of the action which made that person act the way they did. You need to be quick in seeing the good in things, and categorizing what holds most importance to people. Know what the positives are that drive your own actions and always stay conscious to them. Get into the habit of realizing the driving factors of the decisions that you and those around you make.
Getting into the habit of knowing what drives that actions of others will give you a lot of leverage in making people like you, enjoy your presence, and listen to you. You can use the information that you figure out about the actions of others to your advantage in many forms of interactions with that person. You can also use the positives that drive successful people’s actions as examples and motivations for your own. Begin the adventure of making others like you by analyzing what they like themselves.