We fish for compliments and we give them to ourselves. This article argues that you should stop.

Why Complimenting Yourself Does Not Count

Pride is a sneaky assassin. Whether humans grow to become prideful due nature or nurture is secondary to the fact that pride exists. Your pride will call for you to commit actions which aren’t planned well. It will entice you to act unfavorably, and perhaps to shoot yourself in the foot in certain situations. This article argues that the act of complimenting oneself is one instance of pride serving to hurt its owner.

People seek to compliment themselves in more ways than you may think. We like to get sneaky when fishing for compliments, or when publicizing our skill and expertise. Some may try to engineer/influence social scenarios only to drive the topic of conversation toward something which they’re proud of being public. People may begin talking about their kids’ successes to show off their parenting skills. They may mention themselves going to the gym in an effort to receive a compliment on their physique. Sometimes these instances are comical to think about. The end result of complimenting yourself however, almost always points to be detrimental in its totality.

For the purpose of this article, the act of fishing for a compliment will be grouped in the same category as complimenting yourself explicitly. Fishing for a compliment is the decision to receive a compliment – meaning it did not grow organically in the mind of someone who gives it.


People Are Sensitive to Those Who Fish for Compliments


People aren’t only sensitive to noticing those who compliment themselves, they tend to dislike them as well. Complimenting yourself is seen as a cheap way of improving your image. Others work hard to improve their image in honest ways. They get up early every morning, they hit the gym after work, and they strive to act in noble ways. The act of complimenting yourself tells others that you’re trying to take the easy route toward improving your image. When complimenting yourself, your desire is to improve how others perceive you based on only words. Those around you who work hard to attain and maintain a positive image will take offense to your act of trying to find a shortcut. Some will test you on the things you compliment yourself on, and may express hints of envy in a variety of ways.

Think about why you feel an urge to subtly compliment yourself. Analyze what caused you to fish for that compliment you desperately wanted to hear. Holding pride in skill and effort is a healthy thing to do – depending on others’ validation to be content, is not. Notice how you feel when people compliment you. That very same sense of reward and confidence should exist within you without others’ compliments acting as triggers.

The key to stop fishing for compliments and giving them to yourself, is to stop perceiving others’ commentary as meaningful in the grand scheme. It feels good to be complimented, and becoming a slave to compliments is not hard. When the expected dose doesn’t cut it any longer, people resort to tactics of complimenting themselves and fishing for them. Do not become addicted to small shots of confidence and acceptance. Should the right people want to bring you pain, remember that every weakness will be exploited, including your dependence on positive feedback. Should you go on to save the world, know that the same weakness will be tested. Be honest if you catch yourself fishing for a compliment. Be sensitive to how others are perceiving your efforts in attaining praise, and whether the compliments you hear are organic in their birth.


There’s Something Missing When It Comes From You


The quality of compliments you receive and give depends on how they were manifested. Points are lost for every instance of outside influence acting on a compliment someone gives you. The greatest compliments to receive are expressions of honest awe and thankfulness. Those compliments are reactionary rather than thought-out. They come about when people are touched emotionally, rather than motivated thoughtfully. There’s something missing from compliments directed at you, when they originate with you. Their point of origin becomes a weakness which will cause self-doubt later. You’ll know the truth about the compliment’s existence – and the role you played in manifesting it.

Strive to give and receive organic, wholesome compliments. Only trust the compliments that exist without outside influence. See whether people react with their compliments rather than think them through. A great compliment doesn’t take much logical thought. It is an expression of positive emotion. Make your compliments pure, potent shots of positive emotion and react only when others do the same.

Book Recommendation: 

The Art of Extraordinary Confidence: Your Ultimate Path To Love, Wealth, and Freedom

The Art of Extraordinary Confidence: Your Ultimate Path To Love, Wealth, and Freedom by [Gazipura PsyD, Dr Aziz]

 

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